Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
