SEEEEXXX PLEASE
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
