I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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