Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
