If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
