now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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