ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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