OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
