Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
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