so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
