Plan B is the new Plan A
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You've changed since you got that strap on
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
