I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
