Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
