I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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