So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
