he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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