So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
