Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
