God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Green mimosas i think yes
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
