it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
