I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
