i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
