I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
