Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
