Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
