i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
