oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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