Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize