somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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