somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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