Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
