I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize