Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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