"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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