your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
