Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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