God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
