Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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