Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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