His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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