I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
