Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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