I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
