Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
