I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
