where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
