Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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