booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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