Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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