Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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