I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
