Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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