Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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