All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
