oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
