I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
