You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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