Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
