The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
