Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
