one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
