I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
