Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize