hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
