Your dad touched me again.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think I sprained my soul last night
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
