I just pynch a tree in the face
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
