what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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