Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
