his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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