If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
