You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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