I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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