Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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