Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she told me i tasted like america
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
