Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
