My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
