i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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