just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize