I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
