Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
