i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
