my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
