It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
