I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
