and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
