Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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