I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You've changed since you got that strap on
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
