i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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