Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
