It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
