You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
