Already got asked if we're dating
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
