I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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