I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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