you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
