She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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