you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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