508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
